As a pastor, I like to tell people that I listen with two ears, a left one and a right one.

My left ear listens to those who lean left, who struggle with the rigid dogmatism of the hard right and long to see Christ’s love expressed for those in the margins.

My right ear listens to those who lean right, who grieve the moral decline in our culture and long for a return to biblical faithfulness.

I need both ears.

And today, I want to use both of them to talk about an issue close to my heart: the pain of Christian parents with transgender-identifying children.

The Fear Parents Carry

Right now, thousands of Christian parents with trans kids are hurting and afraid.

They fear for their child’s life in this world.

They fear for their child’s soul in the next life.

Many suffer in silence.

Some are afraid to go to church or suffer in silence, anxious that others will find out their secret. Or they feel dismissive comments or side-eye judgment that somehow, it’s their fault.

Others sit in church pews, confused and unsure why their leaders seem either too harsh or too accommodating.

Still others wonder how to protect their children from the polarizing rhetoric of our culture, which so often pushes young people deeper into anxiety, depression, despair, or worse, suicidality.

And in recent weeks, the climate has grown even more frightening.

When word first broke, one dad immediately messaged me and said, “We’re scared to death the shooter is going to be trans.” Why? Because each violent moment brings with it hateful glances, sneers, and even bullying.

Christian “support groups” have also become targets. One mom told me, “A few days ago someone posted that ‘there are no trans people, just shitty parents’ and I wept… I carry this shame and grief that I failed. That I’m a fraud.”

High-profile acts of violence, whether against or by someone associated with the trans community, have left Christian parents of trans kids wondering:

• Will my child be safe?
• Will they be targeted?
• Will they be radicalized?

The fear is real. The pain is real. I know it, because these parents are talking to me.

When Shalom Is Vandalized

In Cornelius Plantinga’s book, Not the Way It’s Supposed To Be, he describes sin as a “vandalism of shalom.” Shalom is the Hebrew word for peace, but it means more than just the absence of war.

Shalom is the idea of “flourishing” or “thriving” in life. It is the flourishing God intended for creation (p.9).

So, when sin occurs, it does not just violate the law but vandalizes life, distorting God’s vision for his creation.

But we must see that it’s more than just personal sin, but cosmic distortion. When sin enters life, it vandalizes not just individuals, but families, communities, and even creation itself.

That is why tragedies like the death of Charlie Kirk feel so personal and disorienting—because they represent not just a single loss, but a sign of the brokenness crippling our world.

That vandalism shows up in fractured relationships, in cultural rage, and in the silent suffering of parents who feel caught between worlds.

Sin does not merely break laws—it breaks lives. And when lives are vandalized, our instinct is to cry out for justice.

Justice, Love, and Restoration

Our need for justice stems from God’s love, which seeks to restore that which has been broken.

But we must be cautious.

Grief, frustration, and anger can lead us to brash, sinful, and ungodly reactions. When that happens, we’ve only furthered the vandalizing process and shalom suffers.

The seductive temptation to unrighteous anger and hateful speech only weakens our fellow brothers and sisters, who are desperately in need of the supporting arms of fellow believers.

That is why Paul encourages us in Romans 15:

“We who are strong ought to bear with the failings of the weak and not to please ourselves… For even Christ did not please himself” (vv. 1,3).

In other words, Christ bore the insults, the misunderstandings, and the shame so that we might be restored. If Christ could do that for us, how much more must we do that for our brothers and sisters who are carrying this unique burden?

God’s love compelled Him to set right what sin had made all wrong.

Justice alone is not enough. If our justice is without love, it only punishes.

Love alone is not enough. If our love is without truth, it only accommodates.

But when justice and love are held together in Christ, something beautiful happens: restoration begins.

So, dear friends, here is my plea:

• To the right ear—do not let fear harden into anger or cruelty.

• To the left ear—do not let compassion dissolve into confusion or compromise.

•And to both ears together—listen. Listen to the parents who are silently breaking, and offer them the hope of Christ who hears, bears, and restores.

Parents of trans-identifying children do not need to walk this road alone. They need a church that will listen with both ears, speak with both truth and love, and walk with them toward the healing shalom of God.

With Hope and Grace

Bishop Jonathan